Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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