I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
