I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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