that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
