I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
