I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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