She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize