There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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