He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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