i'm lost and i look like a hooker
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
