And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize