i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
