Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize