Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
