The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
