someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
