i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
