When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
a search helicopter?!
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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