so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
