break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
