I hate all girls vehemently.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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