2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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