i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
