Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
