I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
