When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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