isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
