Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best revenge is premature balding
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
