She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
