She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
