I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
