She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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