This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
