im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
