You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
