her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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