no, he came in my armpit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i think i just lost a toe
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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