...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
