Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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