i think my mom watched the whole time
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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