I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
