I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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