It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
