I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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