What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
