so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
