Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
