I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
