yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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