Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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