fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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