I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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