from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize