Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
