New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
