I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
