I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
