Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize