Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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