i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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