She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
