Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
