Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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