I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
