His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
