Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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