Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
