someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
