Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
