i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
