we have officially lost it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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