So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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